I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize
