forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
I just threw up on my dentist
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Randomize
