he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
