Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Just cropdusted the office
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Randomize
