I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Randomize
