i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Randomize
