i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Randomize
