I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
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