I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
NoShamevember. You game?
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
