don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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