did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
