Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
