i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
We're too hungover to prance.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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