I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
