worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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