Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
