i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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