i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
