i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
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