may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Randomize
