Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
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