If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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