It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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