I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
