I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
