Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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