Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
