He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
