brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Randomize
