So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
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