Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Randomize
