maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
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