I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
