Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
