she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Randomize
