How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
it's like iHOP with fire
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Randomize
