he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
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