His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
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