KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
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