I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize
