Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Randomize
