I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
this hospital has no fireball
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Randomize
