I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Randomize
