The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
areolas are like halos for boobs.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
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