my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
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