Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize