he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
We had to coat check the pizza.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
