I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Randomize
