My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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