WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
Randomize
